he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
