a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
