you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
