I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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