she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
