i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
