the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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