You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
