what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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