Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you traded sex for a burrito?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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