Apparently you make a good broom.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
