and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
