she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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