Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
