You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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