What a fucking waste of an outfit
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
