I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize