no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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