the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
