Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
