I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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