Sponge bath it is.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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