Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize