i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
