He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
