I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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