He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i now understand why vodka
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
