I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry about my life...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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