Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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