I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
