how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize