Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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