You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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