and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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