Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
