You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
