I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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