my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
