forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
