Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
