then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize