K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
