My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And the cops told us we were all naked.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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