I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
