I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
