dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize