i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
