i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
