I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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