I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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