Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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