please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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