My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
