Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
