you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
