so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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