naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
