In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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