SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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