you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
