made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
