I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize