Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
