his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
