that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't think brook has ever known best
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
