Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
