I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize