i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
