He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
