Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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