quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
