I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize