Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
