you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
