he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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