So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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