So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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