i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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