You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
