This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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