im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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