We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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