The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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