I hate your face
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
