just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
