The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
