You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
