if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
