I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I still have a little drunk in my system
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
