you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
