He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
