There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
