I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
