i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
